“It matters what is on the inside and not the outside” “The external beauty doesn’t matter it is your internal beauty that counts” these are beliefs that have been preached in the past and I am quite sure they will continue to be preached in the future. Then why is it that people still want to look good? Why do they take extra care in order to look good?
It is a fact that most of us like good-looking people. However my belief is that we don’t like them because they are good looking but because they believe that they are good looking. They carry around them an aura of confidence which makes them so appealing. I have observed that people tend to merely reflect what we feel.
My first exposure to this observation occurred when I was in 3rd standard. It was the first time I got glasses and they were those terrible looking plastic ones. Previously another girl in my class had got similar looking glasses and all my class mates made fun of her and called her a grand mom. I was quite sure that I would be subjected to the same treatment. However when I did get my glasses I was very happy that I could finally see clearly that and I felt very confident about myself. Believe it or not my class mates did not tease me! At that point I was pleasantly surprised but now I realize that it was because of my confidence.
That event changed my perspective. I realized that no one could make me feel bad about myself. Only I could. The world around me was just a mirror that reflected what I felt and believed.
Another fact that I observed was that my external appearance was affected by how I felt. So wouldn’t the reverse also hold true? Could I not change the way I felt by altering my appearance? I noticed that I did feel a lot more confident when I looked good, when I took that little extra effort to pamper myself.
So I wonder is it so wrong to want to look good and feel good about myself? Is it wrong to want to pamper myself and want to be confident? I don’t think so. Do you?
08 January 2011
A perfect relationship
Does a perfect relationship equate to never fighting?? If people fight does that mean that they don’t like each other?
I’ve noticed that fights tend to leave me frustrated and angry. At that point I cannot understand why a person does or says things. Why my friends who generally seem sensible behave in that inexplicable manner at that point I feel that I never want to talk to the person again. They leave me feeling extremely annoyed. Most people probably feel the same way. Hence is it any wonder that people tend to avoid fights?
Most times we dismiss our feelings or ignore them. We believe that addressing misunderstandings may end up weakening the relationship. Contrary to that I have found that in most relationships fights tend to strengthen the relationship. With time the fights get resolved. We may still not understand their reasons and we may continue to strongly disagree with them on the matter but we notice that after a while we tend to remember all the good times and we cannot stay long without talking to them. Moreover these fights instill in us a certain trust and belief that whatever be the situation we can count on friends to be true to what they feel.
So after some contemplation I have reached at my definition of a perfect relationship. It is a state of relationship where I am true to my feelings with a person, where we accept each other as we are. It is a state where I am confident that though I may disagree, fight, feel frustrated and annoyed at the end of the day I can count on the person to be there for me.
I’ve noticed that fights tend to leave me frustrated and angry. At that point I cannot understand why a person does or says things. Why my friends who generally seem sensible behave in that inexplicable manner at that point I feel that I never want to talk to the person again. They leave me feeling extremely annoyed. Most people probably feel the same way. Hence is it any wonder that people tend to avoid fights?
Most times we dismiss our feelings or ignore them. We believe that addressing misunderstandings may end up weakening the relationship. Contrary to that I have found that in most relationships fights tend to strengthen the relationship. With time the fights get resolved. We may still not understand their reasons and we may continue to strongly disagree with them on the matter but we notice that after a while we tend to remember all the good times and we cannot stay long without talking to them. Moreover these fights instill in us a certain trust and belief that whatever be the situation we can count on friends to be true to what they feel.
So after some contemplation I have reached at my definition of a perfect relationship. It is a state of relationship where I am true to my feelings with a person, where we accept each other as we are. It is a state where I am confident that though I may disagree, fight, feel frustrated and annoyed at the end of the day I can count on the person to be there for me.
07 January 2011
Alphabetical almanac for alternative abuses
Atrocious
Boisterous
Cantenkrous
Demented
Egoistic
Frustrating
Ghastly
Heartless
Inhuman
Jobless
Kleptomaniac
Lazy
Moronic
Nasty
Obnoxious
Pestering
Quirky
Ridiculous
Shameless
Troublesome
Useless
Vile
Weird
Xenophobic
Yucky
Zit!
Boisterous
Cantenkrous
Demented
Egoistic
Frustrating
Ghastly
Heartless
Inhuman
Jobless
Kleptomaniac
Lazy
Moronic
Nasty
Obnoxious
Pestering
Quirky
Ridiculous
Shameless
Troublesome
Useless
Vile
Weird
Xenophobic
Yucky
Zit!
01 October 2010
Sinful indulgence
That moment of indulgence
Forget I shall never
The mere thought of it
Shall stay with me forever
That passion that delight
Makes my throat burn
That desire, that feeling
For more I still yearn
Everything about it
Was ever so appealing
I start hyper-ventilating
As I remember that feeling
The scent, the looks
The touch on my lips
Then I was smothered by
Tongue then finger tips
Then my lover went down
For it was a must
But over too soon that
Sinful experience of lust
That kick, the feel
Again I hope to get
I can’t wait for another affair
With my Bournville dark chocolate
Forget I shall never
The mere thought of it
Shall stay with me forever
That passion that delight
Makes my throat burn
That desire, that feeling
For more I still yearn
Everything about it
Was ever so appealing
I start hyper-ventilating
As I remember that feeling
The scent, the looks
The touch on my lips
Then I was smothered by
Tongue then finger tips
Then my lover went down
For it was a must
But over too soon that
Sinful experience of lust
That kick, the feel
Again I hope to get
I can’t wait for another affair
With my Bournville dark chocolate
24 February 2010
Kala Bandar exposed!!
Hey Kala Bandar … bahar hai ya andar? This is the beginning of a song in Delhi6. For those of you who haven’t watched Delhi6, Kala Bandar is supposed to be a dangerous creature. Like many myths Kala Bandar starts off as something small but it gets hyped by the media and they make a mountain of a mole hill. Each one gives his own account of the Kala Bandar and it soon becomes something which causes riots between Hindus and Muslims.
There are certain aspects of the song which fascinate me…
One is it explains how urban legends actually start. This Kala Bandar issue started off when some guy imagined that he saw a black monkey. Then people started adding ‘mirchi masala’ to the story and soon they claimed that Kala Bandar was two feet tall, wearing superman briefs, it bites off your knees, it is invisible, and so on. Then they ask a really good question, “Who’s actually seen him? Nobody” So then, what is Kala Bandar? “Tu bahar hai ya andar?” Dear Kala Bandar, do you really exist or are you just a nice combination of all our fears put together?
The song also says that we are all hiding behind curtains. We are hiding our fear, pain and hurt .We don’t want to acknowledge to others and more often to ourselves that we feel them. We have gotten so used to hiding them, that most times we do it unconsciously, and we are not even aware that they exist. So maybe if we look into ourselves deeply we might find a Kala Bandar hidden inside us.
There is one part of the song which says “Hey Kala Bandar because of you our village has tight security. It has 24hr electricity and I don’t need to miss my favourite show on TV. So am happy with the Bandar as long as he doesn’t get me. In fact Kala Bandar, don’t go away. Kala Bandar I beg you to stay”. We grumble about a problem that is threatening the society. But if that problem (in this case Kala Bandar) benefits me then who cares if it happens to harm someone else. I am fine with it as long as the problem doesn’t affect me…
Human psychology is quite fascinating isn’t it
There are certain aspects of the song which fascinate me…
One is it explains how urban legends actually start. This Kala Bandar issue started off when some guy imagined that he saw a black monkey. Then people started adding ‘mirchi masala’ to the story and soon they claimed that Kala Bandar was two feet tall, wearing superman briefs, it bites off your knees, it is invisible, and so on. Then they ask a really good question, “Who’s actually seen him? Nobody” So then, what is Kala Bandar? “Tu bahar hai ya andar?” Dear Kala Bandar, do you really exist or are you just a nice combination of all our fears put together?
The song also says that we are all hiding behind curtains. We are hiding our fear, pain and hurt .We don’t want to acknowledge to others and more often to ourselves that we feel them. We have gotten so used to hiding them, that most times we do it unconsciously, and we are not even aware that they exist. So maybe if we look into ourselves deeply we might find a Kala Bandar hidden inside us.
There is one part of the song which says “Hey Kala Bandar because of you our village has tight security. It has 24hr electricity and I don’t need to miss my favourite show on TV. So am happy with the Bandar as long as he doesn’t get me. In fact Kala Bandar, don’t go away. Kala Bandar I beg you to stay”. We grumble about a problem that is threatening the society. But if that problem (in this case Kala Bandar) benefits me then who cares if it happens to harm someone else. I am fine with it as long as the problem doesn’t affect me…
Human psychology is quite fascinating isn’t it
30 November 2009
Incentives
What is common in most religions is the fact that there is someone out there (God) to punish you if you go wrong. Its a good thing too, cause otherwise the crime rate of the world (by crime rate I mean everything from lying to thievery to murder to bomb blasts) would be 100 times more. Because the reason most people don't do these things is that their society/family/community/religion preaches that bad thins will happen to/ someone will punish you if you do stuff like that. Most people get the necessary incentive from that.
Then some times people chase to 'misinterpret' what their religion has to say ,so that they can get what want.They kill, murder, lie , all in the name of religion. So technically they preach one thing and practice quite another, But they don't look at what they are doing as bad. they comfort themselves by saying that they are doing it for the 'greater good'. Some times i wonder what is 'greater good'?Is it really necessary to kill millions of people for the greater good? Forget million is is okay to end even one innocent life for the greater good? Because what is greater good for one person , nay nit be so for another person.So whose 'greater good' are we to execute?
Coming back to the previous point, let me tell you an experience. There was this certain "ayyappa swamy" who I talked to. (Ayyappa swamies take a fast for 40 days during which they are not supposed to drink, eat non-veg etc). He was telling me the benefits he gains by taking up the "mala" for 40 days. Basically, he was a person who ate a lot of non veg. So, since on these 40 days he was not supposed to eat non-veg, he felt healthier at the end of 40 days. So then I asked him: Why start eating at the d of 40 days? If it made him feel better, then wy not make a few rules for himself like deciding not to eat non veg more than 3 times a week? he told me that though he made rules, he would break them. Those 40 days there was a fear which told him that he would be punished if he ate non veg.
That got me thinking. Even if there is a god who punishes people for doing wrong things, would he punish someone for eating non veg when they are wearing a black dress and not punish them on other days? Could god be really that inconsistent?
Another observation i made was that people find it easier to follow rules made by someone else for the fear of being punished. we observe that wherever punishment is more severe, less traffic rules for that matter any rules are broken. People can't follow rules nade by themselves because the can't really punish themselves right?Maybe thats why people decide to fast on auspicious days.Because they couldn't break it like how they break a diet they make for themselves. So does the incentiveto do good (to oursevles and others) have to come from the fear of being punished?
This reminds me of a scene in Matrix ( according to the movie, machines have taken over the world and the world we see around is just a program. So we see what they show us.) The matrix initially tried ot create or program a world where everyone was happy. There were no fears or problems.But it didn't last long. Because people started ti suspect something was wrong. They suspected that the world they lived in wasn't real. So does something have to be difficult to be real?
I suppose yes. That's why there are so many rule to be followed in every religion.Maybe initially all the prophets and the messiahs suggested " hey try this method. It really helps."but people didn't try it .Why should they? No one was going to punish them!! So that's when maybe the suggestions became a rule. If some one came up with a religion with no rules, I doubt it would be very popular. It wouldn't work because people wouldn't really believe in it. The main reason why miracles happen in any religion is that people believe they will happen. So if some one preached a religion with no rules , people would just laugh at it.
So maybe it is better for everyone if there are rules and the power us taken away from people (or so they think). Then atleast we can pretend to ourselves that God will punish us of we break them. So maybe people 'might' be kind to others with this fear.
Then some times people chase to 'misinterpret' what their religion has to say ,so that they can get what want.They kill, murder, lie , all in the name of religion. So technically they preach one thing and practice quite another, But they don't look at what they are doing as bad. they comfort themselves by saying that they are doing it for the 'greater good'. Some times i wonder what is 'greater good'?Is it really necessary to kill millions of people for the greater good? Forget million is is okay to end even one innocent life for the greater good? Because what is greater good for one person , nay nit be so for another person.So whose 'greater good' are we to execute?
Coming back to the previous point, let me tell you an experience. There was this certain "ayyappa swamy" who I talked to. (Ayyappa swamies take a fast for 40 days during which they are not supposed to drink, eat non-veg etc). He was telling me the benefits he gains by taking up the "mala" for 40 days. Basically, he was a person who ate a lot of non veg. So, since on these 40 days he was not supposed to eat non-veg, he felt healthier at the end of 40 days. So then I asked him: Why start eating at the d of 40 days? If it made him feel better, then wy not make a few rules for himself like deciding not to eat non veg more than 3 times a week? he told me that though he made rules, he would break them. Those 40 days there was a fear which told him that he would be punished if he ate non veg.
That got me thinking. Even if there is a god who punishes people for doing wrong things, would he punish someone for eating non veg when they are wearing a black dress and not punish them on other days? Could god be really that inconsistent?
Another observation i made was that people find it easier to follow rules made by someone else for the fear of being punished. we observe that wherever punishment is more severe, less traffic rules for that matter any rules are broken. People can't follow rules nade by themselves because the can't really punish themselves right?Maybe thats why people decide to fast on auspicious days.Because they couldn't break it like how they break a diet they make for themselves. So does the incentiveto do good (to oursevles and others) have to come from the fear of being punished?
This reminds me of a scene in Matrix ( according to the movie, machines have taken over the world and the world we see around is just a program. So we see what they show us.) The matrix initially tried ot create or program a world where everyone was happy. There were no fears or problems.But it didn't last long. Because people started ti suspect something was wrong. They suspected that the world they lived in wasn't real. So does something have to be difficult to be real?
I suppose yes. That's why there are so many rule to be followed in every religion.Maybe initially all the prophets and the messiahs suggested " hey try this method. It really helps."but people didn't try it .Why should they? No one was going to punish them!! So that's when maybe the suggestions became a rule. If some one came up with a religion with no rules, I doubt it would be very popular. It wouldn't work because people wouldn't really believe in it. The main reason why miracles happen in any religion is that people believe they will happen. So if some one preached a religion with no rules , people would just laugh at it.
So maybe it is better for everyone if there are rules and the power us taken away from people (or so they think). Then atleast we can pretend to ourselves that God will punish us of we break them. So maybe people 'might' be kind to others with this fear.
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